A good wife always forgives her husband when she's wrong.
~ Milton Berle
"There's a way of transferring funds that is even faster than
Electronic banking. It's called marriage."
~ James Holt McGavran
I recently read that love is entirely a matter of chemistry. That must
Be why my wife treats me like toxic waste.
~ David Bissonette
When a man steals your wife, there is no better revenge than to let
Him keep her.
~ Sacha Guitry
After marriage, husband and wife become two sides of a coin; they just
Can't face each other, but still they stay together.
~ Hemant Joshi
By all means marry. If you get a good wife, you'll be happy. If you
Get a bad one, you'll become a philosopher.
~ Socrates
Woman inspires us to great things, and prevents us from achieving them.
~ Dumas
The great question... Which I have not been able to answer... Is,
"What does a woman want?
~ Sigmund Freud
I had some words with my wife, and she had some paragraphs with me.
~ Anonymous
"Some people ask the secret of our long marriage. We take time to go
To a restaurant two times a week. A little candlelight, dinner, soft
Music and dancing. She goes Tuesdays, I go Fridays."
~ Henry Youngman
"I don't worry about terrorism. I was married for two years."
~ Sam Kinison
"I've had bad luck with both my wives. The first one left me and the
Second one didn't."
~ Patrick Murray
Two secrets to keep your marriage brimming 1. Whenever you're wrong,
Admit it, 2. Whenever you're right, shut up.
~ Nash
The most effective way to remember your wife's birthday is to forget
It once... - Anonymous
My wife and I were happy for twenty years. Then we met.
~ Rodney Dangerfield
Marriage is the only war where one sleeps with the enemy.
~ Anonymous
A man inserted an 'ad' in the classifieds: "Wife wanted". Next day he
Received a hundred letters. They all said the same thing: "You can
Have mine." - Anonymous
First Guy (proudly): "My wife's an angel!" Second Guy "You're lucky,
mine's still alive." - Anonymous
Tuesday, November 14, 2006
Toughest questions women ask
Here are answers to 5 of the toughest questions women ask… There are five things that women should never, ever ask a guy, according to an article in last April’s issue of Sassy magazine.
The five questions are:
1 - “What are you thinking?”
2 - “Do you love me?”
3 - “Do I look fat?”
4 - “Do you think she is prettier than me?”
5 - “What would you do if I died?”
What makes these questions so bad is that every one is guaranteed to explode into a major argument and/or divorce if the man does not answer properly, which is to say dishonestly. For example:
1 - “What are you thinking?” The proper answer to this question, of course is, “I’m sorry if I’ve been pensive, dear. I was just reflecting on what a warm, wonderful, caring, thoughtful, intelligent, beautiful woman you are and what a lucky guy I am to have met you.”
Obviously, this statement bears no resemblance whatsoever to what the guy was really thinking at the time, which was most likely one of five things:
a . Baseball
b . Football
c - How fat you are.
d - How much prettier she is than you.
e - How he would spend the insurance money if you died.
According to the Sassy article, the best answer to this stupid question came from Al Bundy, of Married With Children, who was asked it by his wife, Peg. “If I wanted you to know,” Al said, “I’d be talking instead of thinking.”
The other questions also have only one right answer but many wrong answers:
2 - “Do you love me?” The correct answer to this question is, “Yes.” For those guys who feel the need to be more elaborate, you may answer, “Yes, dear”.
Wrong answers include:
a - I suppose so.
b - Would it make you feel better if I said yes?
c - That depends on what you mean by “love”.
d - Does it matter?
e - Who, me?
3 - “Do I look fat?” The correct male response to this question is to confidently and emphatically state, “No, of course not” and then quickly leave the room. Wrong answers include:
a - I wouldn’t call you fat, but I wouldn’t call you thin either.
b - Compared to what?
c - A little extra weight looks good on you.
d - I’ve seen fatter.
e - Could you repeat the question? I was thinking about your insurance policy.
4 - “Do you think she’s prettier than me?” The “she” in the question could be an ex-girlfriend, a passer-by you were starring at so hard thay you almost cause a traffic accident or an actress in a movie you just saw. In any case, the correct response is, “No, you are much prettier.” Wrong answers include:
a - Not prettier, just pretty in a different way.
b - I don’t know how one goes about rating such things.
c - Yes, but I bet you have a better personality.
d - Only in the sense that she’s younger and thinner.
e - Could you repeat the question? I was thinking about your insurance policy.
5 - “What would you do if I died?” Correct answer: “Dearest love, in the event of your untimely demise, life would cease to have meaning for me and I would perforce hurl myself under the front tires of the first Domino’s Pizza truck that came my way.”
This might be the stupidest question of the lot,
as is illustrated by the following stupid joke:
“Dear,” said the wife. “What would you do if I died?”
“Why, dear, I would be extremely upset,” said the husband.
“Why do you ask such a question?” “Would you remarry?” persevered the wife.
“No, of couse not, dear” said the husband.
“Don’t you like being married?” said the wife.
“Of course I do, dear” he said.
“Then why wouldn’t you remarry?” “Alright,” said the husband,
“I’d remarry.” “You would?” said the wife, looking vaguely hurt.
“Yes” said the husband.
“Would you sleep with her in our bed?” said the wife after a long pause.
“Well yes, I suppose I would.” replied the husband.
“I see,” said the wife indignantly.
”And would you let her wear my old clothes?”
“I suppose, if she wanted to” said the husband.
“Really,” said the wife icily.
“And would you take down the pictures of me and replace them with pictures of her?” “Yes. I think that would be the correct thing to do.”
“Is that so?” said the wife, leaping to her feet.
“And I suppose you’d let her play with my golf clubs, too.”
“Of course not, dear,” said the husband. “She’s left-handed.”
The five questions are:
1 - “What are you thinking?”
2 - “Do you love me?”
3 - “Do I look fat?”
4 - “Do you think she is prettier than me?”
5 - “What would you do if I died?”
What makes these questions so bad is that every one is guaranteed to explode into a major argument and/or divorce if the man does not answer properly, which is to say dishonestly. For example:
1 - “What are you thinking?” The proper answer to this question, of course is, “I’m sorry if I’ve been pensive, dear. I was just reflecting on what a warm, wonderful, caring, thoughtful, intelligent, beautiful woman you are and what a lucky guy I am to have met you.”
Obviously, this statement bears no resemblance whatsoever to what the guy was really thinking at the time, which was most likely one of five things:
a . Baseball
b . Football
c - How fat you are.
d - How much prettier she is than you.
e - How he would spend the insurance money if you died.
According to the Sassy article, the best answer to this stupid question came from Al Bundy, of Married With Children, who was asked it by his wife, Peg. “If I wanted you to know,” Al said, “I’d be talking instead of thinking.”
The other questions also have only one right answer but many wrong answers:
2 - “Do you love me?” The correct answer to this question is, “Yes.” For those guys who feel the need to be more elaborate, you may answer, “Yes, dear”.
Wrong answers include:
a - I suppose so.
b - Would it make you feel better if I said yes?
c - That depends on what you mean by “love”.
d - Does it matter?
e - Who, me?
3 - “Do I look fat?” The correct male response to this question is to confidently and emphatically state, “No, of course not” and then quickly leave the room. Wrong answers include:
a - I wouldn’t call you fat, but I wouldn’t call you thin either.
b - Compared to what?
c - A little extra weight looks good on you.
d - I’ve seen fatter.
e - Could you repeat the question? I was thinking about your insurance policy.
4 - “Do you think she’s prettier than me?” The “she” in the question could be an ex-girlfriend, a passer-by you were starring at so hard thay you almost cause a traffic accident or an actress in a movie you just saw. In any case, the correct response is, “No, you are much prettier.” Wrong answers include:
a - Not prettier, just pretty in a different way.
b - I don’t know how one goes about rating such things.
c - Yes, but I bet you have a better personality.
d - Only in the sense that she’s younger and thinner.
e - Could you repeat the question? I was thinking about your insurance policy.
5 - “What would you do if I died?” Correct answer: “Dearest love, in the event of your untimely demise, life would cease to have meaning for me and I would perforce hurl myself under the front tires of the first Domino’s Pizza truck that came my way.”
This might be the stupidest question of the lot,
as is illustrated by the following stupid joke:
“Dear,” said the wife. “What would you do if I died?”
“Why, dear, I would be extremely upset,” said the husband.
“Why do you ask such a question?” “Would you remarry?” persevered the wife.
“No, of couse not, dear” said the husband.
“Don’t you like being married?” said the wife.
“Of course I do, dear” he said.
“Then why wouldn’t you remarry?” “Alright,” said the husband,
“I’d remarry.” “You would?” said the wife, looking vaguely hurt.
“Yes” said the husband.
“Would you sleep with her in our bed?” said the wife after a long pause.
“Well yes, I suppose I would.” replied the husband.
“I see,” said the wife indignantly.
”And would you let her wear my old clothes?”
“I suppose, if she wanted to” said the husband.
“Really,” said the wife icily.
“And would you take down the pictures of me and replace them with pictures of her?” “Yes. I think that would be the correct thing to do.”
“Is that so?” said the wife, leaping to her feet.
“And I suppose you’d let her play with my golf clubs, too.”
“Of course not, dear,” said the husband. “She’s left-handed.”
Differences between men & women*
1. Names:
If Laurie, Linda, Elizabeth and Barbara go out for lunch, they will call each other Laurie, Linda, Elizabeth and Barbara.
If Mark, Chris, Eric and Tom go out, they will affectionately refer to each other as Fat Boy, Godzilla, Peanut-Head and Scrappy.
2. Eating out:
When the bill arrives, Mark, Chris, Eric and Tom will each throw in a $20, even though it's only for $32.50. None of them will have anything smaller and none will actually admit they want the change back.
When the women get their bill, out come the pocket calculators.
3. Money:
A man will pay $2 for a $1 item he needs.
A woman will pay $1 for a $2 item that she doesn't need but it's on sale.
4. Bathrooms:
A man has five items in his bathroom: a toothbrush, shaving cream, razor, a bar of soap, and a towel from the Marriott.
The average number of items in the typical woman's bathroom is 337. A man would not be able to identify most of these items.
5. Arguments:
A woman has the last word in any argument.
Anything a man says after that is the beginning of a new argument.
6. Cats:
Women love cats.
Men say they love cats, but when women aren't looking, men kick cats.
7. Future:
A woman worries about the future until she gets a husband.
A man never worries about the future until he gets a wife.
8. Success:
A successful man is one who makes more money than his wife can spend.
A successful woman is one who can find such a man.
9. Marriage:
A woman marries a man expecting he will change, but he doesn't.
A man marries a woman expecting that she won't change and she does.
10. Dressing up:
A woman will dress up to go shopping, to water the plants, empty the garbage, answer the phone, read a book, and read the mail.
A man will dress up for weddings and funerals.
11. Natural:
Men wake up as good-looking as they went to bed.
Women somehow deteriorate during the night.
12. Offspring:
Ah, children. A woman knows all about her children. She knows about dentist appointments and romances, best friends, favourite foods, secret fears and hopes and dreams.
A man is vaguely aware of some short people living in the house.
13. Final thought:
Any married man should forget his mistakes.
There's no use in two people remembering the same thing
How to make a woman happy
To make a woman happy .............. A man only needs to be:
1. A friend
2. A companion
3. A lover
4. A brother
5. A father
6. A master
7. A chef
8. An electrician
9. A carpenter
10. A plumber
11. A mechanic
12. A decorator
13. A stylist
16. A psychologist
17. A pest exterminator
18. A psychiatrist
19. A healer
20. A good listener
21. An organizer
22. A good father
23. Very clean
24. Sympathetic
25. Athletic
26. Warm
27. Attentive
28. Gallant
29. Intelligent
30. Funny
31. Creative
32. Tender
33. Strong
34. Understanding
35. Tolerant
36. Prudent
37. Ambitious
38. Capable
39. Courageous
40. Determined
41. True
42. Dependable
43. Passionate
WITHOUT FORGETTING TO:
44. Give her compliments regularly
45. Love shopping
46. be honest
47. be very rich
48. Not stress her out
49. Not look at other girls
AND AT THE SAME TIME, YOU MUST ALSO:
50. Give her lots of attention, but expect little yourself
51. Give her lots of time, especially time for herself
52. Give her lots of space, never worrying about where she goes
IT IS VERY IMPORTANT:
53. Never to forget:
* Birthdays
* Anniversaries
* Arrangements she makes
&
HOW TO MAKE A MAN HAPPY:
1. Leave him alone
ALL ABOUT MARRIGE:Answers by children
HOW DO U DECIDE WHO TO MARRY?
1. You got to find somebody who likes the same
stuff. Like, if you like sports, she should like it that
you like sports, and she should keep the chips and
dip coming.-Alan,aged 10
2. No person really decides before they grow up
who they're going to marry. God decides it all way
before,and you get to find out later who you're
stuck with.-Kirsten, age 10
WHAT IS THE RIGHT AGE TO GET MARRIED?
1. Twenty-three is the best age because you know
the person FOREVER by then.-Camille, age 10
2. No age is good to get married at. You got to be
a fool to ge married.-Freddie, age 6 (very wise for
his age)
HOW CAN A STRANGER TELL IF TWO PEOPLE ARE
MARRIED?
1. You might have to guess, based on whether
they seem to be yelling at the same kids.-Derrick,
age 8
WHAT DO YOU THINK YOUR MOM AND DAD
HAVE IN COMMON?
1. Both don't want any more kids.-Lori, age 8
WHAT DO MOST PEOPLE DO ON A DATE?
1. Dates are for having fun, and people should use
them to get to know each other. Even boys have
something to say if you listen long enough.-
Lynnette, age 8 (isn't she a treasure)
2. On the first date, they just tell
each other lies and that usually gets them
interested enough to go for a second date.-Martin,
age 10
WHAT WOULD YOU DO ON A FIRST DATE
THAT WAS TURNING SOUR?
1. I'd run home and play dead. The next day I
would call all the newspapers and make sure they
wrote about me in all the dead columns.-Craig, age
9
WHEN IS IT OKAY TO KISS SOMEONE?
1. When they're rich.-Pam, age 7
2. The law says you have to be eighteen, so I
wouldn't want to mess with that.-Curt, age 7
3. The rule goes like this: If you kiss someone, then
you should marry them and have kids with them.
It's theright thing to do.-Howard, age 8
IS IT BETTER TO BE SINGLE OR MARRIED?
1. I don't know which is better, but I'll tell you one
thing; I'm never going to have sex with my wife. I
don't want to be all grossed out.->Theodore, age 8
2. It's better for girls to be single but not for boys.
Boys need someone to clean up after them.-Anita,
age 9 (bless you child)
HOW WOULD THE WORLD BE DIFFERENT
IF PEOPLE DIDN'T GET MARRIED?
1. There sure would be a lot of kids to explain,
wouldn't there-Kelvin, age 8
And the Favorite is........
HOW WOULD YOU MAKE A MARRIAGE WORK?
1. Tell your wife that she looks pretty, even if she
looks like a truck.-Ricky, age 10
The best moments in life ....
1. Falling in love.
2. Laughing till your stomach hurts.
3. Enjoying a ride down the country side.
4. Going to sleep listening to the rain pouring out.
5. Listening to your favorite song on the radio.
6. Getting out of shower and wrapping you with a warm, fuzzy towel.
7. Passing your final exams with good grades.
8. Being part of an interesting conversation.
9. Finding some money in some old pants.
10. Laughing at you.
11. Sharing a wonderful dinner with all your friends.
12. Laughing without a reason.
13. Accidentally, hearing someone say something good about you.
14. Watching the sunset.
15. Listening to a song that reminds you of an important memory in your life.
16. Receiving or giving your first kiss.
17. Feeling this movement in your body when seeing someone you love.
18. Having a great time with your friends.
19. Seeing the one you love happy.
20. Wearing the shirt of a person you love and smell his perfume.
21. Visiting an old friend of yours and remembering your memories together.
22. Hearing some telling you "I LOVE YOU."
2. Laughing till your stomach hurts.
3. Enjoying a ride down the country side.
4. Going to sleep listening to the rain pouring out.
5. Listening to your favorite song on the radio.
6. Getting out of shower and wrapping you with a warm, fuzzy towel.
7. Passing your final exams with good grades.
8. Being part of an interesting conversation.
9. Finding some money in some old pants.
10. Laughing at you.
11. Sharing a wonderful dinner with all your friends.
12. Laughing without a reason.
13. Accidentally, hearing someone say something good about you.
14. Watching the sunset.
15. Listening to a song that reminds you of an important memory in your life.
16. Receiving or giving your first kiss.
17. Feeling this movement in your body when seeing someone you love.
18. Having a great time with your friends.
19. Seeing the one you love happy.
20. Wearing the shirt of a person you love and smell his perfume.
21. Visiting an old friend of yours and remembering your memories together.
22. Hearing some telling you "I LOVE YOU."
Awareness On Your Blood Pressure Status, which is self explanatory.
Human Blood Pressure Range Diagram
The 1st Number: Systolic pressure is the pressure generated when the heart contracts .
The 2nd Number: Diastolic pressure is the blood pressure when the heart is relaxed.
What is Normal Blood Pressure ? Buy and use a blood pressure monitor.
Compare your BP reading with the numbers on the chart above. Draw a line from your systolic pressure to your diastolic pressure.
Is the slope of the line about the same as shown on the chart? Where do YOU fit in? What are your risk factors?
Are your blood pressure readings within the normal blood pressure range?Should you take anti-hypertension medication to lower your blood pressure?
Normal human daily Blood Pressure Range can vary widely, so any single blood pressure monitor reading is not reliable. BP monitor readings must be taken at different times of day, to determine AVERAGE blood pressure over time.
What is important is your AVERAGE BP, or MAP (Mean Arterial Pressure) over time. Or, where are those numbers sitting MOST of the time?
Normal MAP is about 93 mm of mercury.
Lowering High Blood Pressure Tactics
Download a 1-page printable .PDF file of the
Blood Pressure Chart above.
Blood Pressure Range Chart Notes
NORMAL BLOOD PRESSUREREADINGS RANGE
HIGH Blood Pressure Symptoms -Stressed, Sedentary, Bloated, Weak, Failing Systolic - Diastolic
210 - 120 - Stage 4 High Blood Pressure
180 - 110 - Stage 3 High Blood Pressure
160 - 100 - Stage 2 High Blood Pressure
140 - 90 - Stage 1 High Blood Pressure
140 - 90 - BORDERLINE HIGH
130 - 85 - High Normal
120 - 80 - NORMAL Blood Pressure
110 - 75 - Low Normal
90 - 60 - BORDERLINE LOW
60 - 40 - TOO LOW Blood Pressure
50 - 33 - DANGER Blood Pressure
LOW Blood Pressure Symptoms -Weak, Tired, Dizzy, Fainting, Coma.
Please zoom the chart for more clearies.
Wednesday, November 08, 2006
32 Facts About Guys
*Belive it or not.......
1. Guys don't actually look after good-looking girls. they prefer neat
and presentable girls.
2. Guys hate flirts.
3.When a guy says he doesn't understand you, it simply means you're not
thinking the way he is.
4. Guys may be flirting around all day but before they go to sleep,
they always think about the girl they truly care about.
5. When a guy really likes you, he'll disregard all your bad
characteristics.
6. Guys go crazy over a girl's smile.
7. Guys will do anything just to get the girl's attention.
8. When you touch a guy's heart, there's no turning back.
9. When a girl says "no", a guy hears it as "try again tomorrow".
so true.
10. You have to tell a guy what you really want before he gets the
message clearly.
11. A guy would sacrifice his money for lunch just to get you a couple
of roses.
12. A guy often thinks about the girl who likes him. But this doesn't
mean that the guy likes her.
13. You can never understand him unless you listen to him.
14. If a guy tells you he loves you once in a lifetime. He does.
15. Beware. Guys can make gossips scatter through half of the face of
the earth faster than girls can.
16. Like Eve, girls are guys' weaknesses.
17. Guys are very open about themselves.
18. It's good to test a guy first before you believe him. But don't let
him wait that long.
19. Guys hate it when their clothes get dirty. Even a small dot.
20. Guys really admire girls that they like even if they're not that
much pretty.
21. If a guy tells you about his problems, he just needs someone to
listen to him. You don't need to give advice ... very true.
22. A usual act that proves that the guy likes you is when he teases
you.
23. Guys cannot keep secrets that girls tell them.
24. Guys think too much.
25. Guys fantasies are unlimited.
26. Girls' height doesn't really matter to a guy but her weight
does! ... very true.
27. Guys tend to get serious with their relationship and become too
possessive. So watch out girls!!!
28. Guys are more talkative than girls are especially when the topic is
about girls.
29. You can truly say that a guy has good intentions if you see him
praying sometimes.
30. If a guy says you're beautiful, that guy likes you.
31. Guys hate girls who overreact.
32. Guys love you more than you love them IF they are serious in your
relationships.
Doesn't this all make sense?
1. Guys don't actually look after good-looking girls. they prefer neat
and presentable girls.
2. Guys hate flirts.
3.When a guy says he doesn't understand you, it simply means you're not
thinking the way he is.
4. Guys may be flirting around all day but before they go to sleep,
they always think about the girl they truly care about.
5. When a guy really likes you, he'll disregard all your bad
characteristics.
6. Guys go crazy over a girl's smile.
7. Guys will do anything just to get the girl's attention.
8. When you touch a guy's heart, there's no turning back.
9. When a girl says "no", a guy hears it as "try again tomorrow".
so true.
10. You have to tell a guy what you really want before he gets the
message clearly.
11. A guy would sacrifice his money for lunch just to get you a couple
of roses.
12. A guy often thinks about the girl who likes him. But this doesn't
mean that the guy likes her.
13. You can never understand him unless you listen to him.
14. If a guy tells you he loves you once in a lifetime. He does.
15. Beware. Guys can make gossips scatter through half of the face of
the earth faster than girls can.
16. Like Eve, girls are guys' weaknesses.
17. Guys are very open about themselves.
18. It's good to test a guy first before you believe him. But don't let
him wait that long.
19. Guys hate it when their clothes get dirty. Even a small dot.
20. Guys really admire girls that they like even if they're not that
much pretty.
21. If a guy tells you about his problems, he just needs someone to
listen to him. You don't need to give advice ... very true.
22. A usual act that proves that the guy likes you is when he teases
you.
23. Guys cannot keep secrets that girls tell them.
24. Guys think too much.
25. Guys fantasies are unlimited.
26. Girls' height doesn't really matter to a guy but her weight
does! ... very true.
27. Guys tend to get serious with their relationship and become too
possessive. So watch out girls!!!
28. Guys are more talkative than girls are especially when the topic is
about girls.
29. You can truly say that a guy has good intentions if you see him
praying sometimes.
30. If a guy says you're beautiful, that guy likes you.
31. Guys hate girls who overreact.
32. Guys love you more than you love them IF they are serious in your
relationships.
Doesn't this all make sense?
Monday, November 06, 2006
Things To Keep
Keep your thoughts positive,
Because your thoughts become your words.
Keep your words positive,
Because your words become your actions.
Keep your actions positive,
Because your actions become your habits.
Keep your habits positive,
Because your habits become your lifestyle.
Keep your lifestyle positive,
Because your lifestyle becomes your destiny
Because your thoughts become your words.
Keep your words positive,
Because your words become your actions.
Keep your actions positive,
Because your actions become your habits.
Keep your habits positive,
Because your habits become your lifestyle.
Keep your lifestyle positive,
Because your lifestyle becomes your destiny
Sunday, November 05, 2006
Saddam Hussein sentenced to death
This summary is not available. Please
click here to view the post.
The World`s Healthiest Foods
|
Saturday, November 04, 2006
American Leadership And War
Which presidents and political parties were responsible for America's deadliest wars? Republicans, Democrats, or the Founding Fathers? This map answers our question by illustrating the history of American conflict from the Revolutionary War to Iraq.
Wednesday, November 01, 2006
Liger
This is the largest cat in the world, he's a liger a half lion and half tiger!
Liger - video powered by Metacafe
Liger - video powered by Metacafe
U.S. Marines Vs Chechyan Insurgents
U.S. marines on a search and destroy mission in Falujjah.
U.S. Marines Vs Chechyan Insurgents - video powered by Metacafe
U.S. Marines Vs Chechyan Insurgents - video powered by Metacafe
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